Change…the thing we love to hate.
We want change but we fight it.
It comes at our own hand and often by things beyond control.
It’s a concept built into God’s design.
Sitting at one of the most pivotal moments of my life, it’s not the circumstances I ponder but the change that is happening. And I’ve come to a few conclusions about myself…
- I hate change
- Change breeds and feeds the control in me
- I fear change
- Change is hard
- Change is inevitible
This is much self reflection as I write, but it is my desire is that God uses the transparency of my very real struggles to meet you where you are. Change is real, and change for me is just downright scary.
Many of the changes in my life have been results of the decisions I have made, some good and some, well, not so good. Those are the ones that I can deal with, chalk up as lessons learned or rejoice in the successes and growth they brought into my life. It’s not those I ponder today, but the ones that have been dealt to me, dictated by someone or something that is simply beyond my control. Those are the ones I hate, that I fear and that are hard ultimately because they remove my control.
This is where I sit today. The battle between my soul and my self (flesh). Feeling the instability of not having control of what is next. Yet when I take a step back, I realize it’s the place I’ve needed to be for a very long time.
The letting go place.
I have thought much the last few days about the change that Jesus walked through in such a short time. The shift from becoming the carpenter’s son to the miracle worker. The change from becoming the long awaited one to the ultimate sacrifice. The change from having the perfect communion with his father to carrying the weight of all that he didn’t even deserve. Fair? No way. Confusing? Absolutely! Lacking stability to those closest to him? Yes. Necessary? More that they even knew.
What I’m realizing in this journey “through”, is that purpose will not be seen in the midst of the change. That’s the lie. That is what we wrestle with to try to understand. The voice screams loudly that the changes are worthless, too hard, cost too much. But the whispered word keeps resounding loudly in my head “For the joy set before him , he endured the cross…” (Heb 12:2).
Can I see the joy set before me as I’m enduring the journey of the change?
It is here I can see myself as the victim of the change or use it as the tool to live a victorious life. Perspective….it always lands back here.
Sitting in the beautiful South, the seasons are changing. From the bleak winter months of seemingly no growth to the budding of spring and now heading toward a summer that always brings life in abundance I begin to understand the words of Solomon that there is a time, a season if you will, for everything. Without the dead quiet of winter, there is no opportunity for new growth and without spring bursting forth there is no new life.
Change…all part of the master plan for creation.
So could it be the thing that I was sure was death is actually the breeding ground for the “new thing” I must perceive? The thing I cannot yet see with my eyes but when I change my perspective to the wide lens of God becomes a bit more clear? Yes, change is definitely always been part of the plan.
So it is with endurance and faith I embrace the change and all that it brings with it. I embrace the fear, the uncertainty and the instability knowing that there is a joy set before me, that there is a plan greater than any I could hope, dream or imagine and I fall head long into a grace and love in this next season that will surpass the impossibilities and provide fertile ground for dreams bigger than I can ever imagine.
Change is the fertile ground where dream seeds and impossible hopes are realized in an infinite God.
Here’s to the change of seasons, here’s to a victorious life and here’s to a heart cry that was met with unexplainable change.
Embrace the change today, embrace the fear, embrace the instability and in the words of the world of The Matrix “see how far the rabbit hole goes”. Ready for this next wild ride!
Rejoicing in the change with peace in my soul….Dee