I hate choices….
By nature I am indecisive. Some will call it free-spirited, creative, innovative but basically I can call it what I want but… I’m indecisive. And this does not work well in real life, and especially not in my life with Jesus.
Making a decision for some comes very easy. That’s who they are…organized, decisive, goal-oriented, sensible. But for people like me who are emotional, compassionate, who desire to be goal-oriented but just can’t decide what to do next this is the daily struggle. These days God is trying His best to teach me a few things about choices. You see, the God who created us created us with a will and the ability to have a choice. That’s what separates us from every other living being…choice. We choose who to love, choose who to serve, choose what to do next, choose to run or to hide.
I have realized that every choice I make comes at some sort of a cost. This can look like giving up time, or finances or even, here lately, relationships. I have also realized that since in the kingdom it is people that are it’s currency, it is the price of relationships that seemingly are the most costly. My time can simply be a rearrangement and the finances can be recovered but the relationships lost actually leave a cavernous void.
Choices, both in and out of God’s will, cost us. When choices we know are in God’s will cost a relationship that creates the place of questioning, of doubt, and of confusion. Why would obedience come at such a high cost?
But then there is Jesus…
I guess it always comes back to this place. In the intersections of choice I often respond, react and question as if Jesus doesn’t understand…I know, silly, right? But my humanity wants to function on feeling and what “looks” right or not right, what’s fair and not fair. Yet stepping back to the place of surrender, I then see that no relationship, no thing, no money, position, or even my time is my own or is a guarantee in this life. Then in that place of surrender….and I realize that too is my choice, hold on or let it go.
Full circle…God gave us the choice to love Him, the choice to serve Him, the choice to be obedient. He knew that it would cost us to belong to Him. And at times that cost would be very high. That’s why he sent Jesus…the perfect example of the high cost of the call.
Today these lyrics ring true…
“My heart beating, my soul breathing…I found my life when I laid it down.
Upward falling, spirit soaring…I touch the sky, when my knees hit the ground” (Hillsong United “Touch the Sky”)
Upside down God-life, upside down choices, things that make no sense and cost so much in our finite mind but with God it’s just part of a much grander plan. Choices, sometimes hard choices with high cost.
The constant, decisive, pivotal place in the Jesus life.
So my friends, choose well today, choose surrender and find your life…your true soul life.
I find my life….when I lay it down…
Counting the cost yet trusting the reward today….bless your soulife!
Enjoy this….take a moment and breathe!