I paint, I fix, I reattach what gets broken.
I am the queen of Band Aids.
Yet comes the unraveling, the raw exposure, the messy, yucky, costly hard places. The places we bury and think are dead but, as someone once said ,”Dead men don’t speak”. Yet these speak…loudly. Screaming for the attention we do not want to give them, but they demand rightful recognition, or so we believe. Those places that earn us no accolades or warm embraces, those places we want to, need to be free of, to let die and bury once and for all, yet we face them over and over again. Maybe they are like the zombies in our lives, following us around, wanting to devour us all the while looking and feeling ever so familiar.
Cracks in our coverings, a loss of adhesive in our Band Aids…they fall away, strip by strip, piece by piece. Frantic, we replace, reattach, patch and repair. Only to preserve the covering that is masking the true healing needed. It’s those places I want, no need, to revisit.
Some months ago, I explored the concept with God of transparent grace. (To view my musings and thoughts with God, read the full blog in the August 2016 archives) This was such a vague and seemingly opposing concept, yet it became apparent that it was vitally connected. Even as Jesus sat with, walked with, talked with and even demonstrated this concept to his disciples, even they did not understand. Though he would be transparently honest about the grace that would cost him everything, they did not get it. Sound familiar?
I now revisit this place, this place of transparency, this place of raw, real honesty, the place of no Band Aids and no masks that will ultimately mean my healing.
Transparent grace…this begins with understanding that I have a Saviour who sacrificed everything for me, a girl who deserved nothing. In a world of give to get, this is at times incomprehensible. It is the “I don’t deserve this” place that I find myself in. You see I, like all of us, have come up short. No matter how much we have done or how much we have to offer, we come up short.
Yet what we see as a negative, God sees as our biggest strength. It’s the upside down Kingdom mentality…last is first, lose to gain, less is more. Coming up short, not having what it takes, even failing these are all advantages to God that we perceive as shortcomings. And it begins with owning and being truly honest with ourselves. Thus the hard journey of life that few decide to take.
As I look around, I see many people who look successful, have it all together, people living the dream and outwardly so happy. Yet, upon closer investigation and vulnerable moments with those same people, I see sadness, insecurity, doubt and discontentment. And, I get it. I’ve lived it. And, I still battle it. What seems so easy to maintain and preserve is actually what will kill us. Keeping up the facade is a full-time job and honestly exhausting. The fear of the very thing that can save us is what will ultimately cost us more than laying it down.
So we run away from grace.
At that thought I shudder. As a Christian, this is the basis of my faith. Grace. Such a soothing word, but one we do not embrace fully and completely as God intended. A word so freely given, yet so easily cast aside and even abused. This free gift is something we look at as the thing that will cost us the most. Transparency is costly. It hurts our pride, challenges our will and can wreck our emotions. Yet in the transparency is the freedom grace brings, the place where the Band Aids come off, fresh air brings healing and the weight of the mask is lifted.
Thus, transparent grace.
Grace that took the weight, bore the injury, felt the sting and the hurt, and the vulnerability. Grace voluntarily given from a heart of incomprehensible love. Grace that is crying with open arms to welcome us in…raw, vulnerable, cracked, wounded us.
As I revisit this today I realize again I am a hot mess girl. But now also see that is exactly what my Jesus wants. He welcomes the mess, the wounds, the insecurities so that he can replace them with his grace and love.
Let’s rip those Band Aids off, put down our masks and lay aside the patch materials and simply take the hand of grace, transparently, that is so freely offered to us. And from the ashes, from the raw, wounded, broken places we arise…simply free.
Life meant to be lived, peace in the honesty and loved beyond measure.
That’s my transparency, stepping another day into the grace given and able to say….
Is is well with my soulife today …. and the journey continues!